Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You

By Bradley Sands

What the crap is Arnold Schwarzenegger doing at the conceal of Rico Slade's publication? this is often Rico Slade's goddamn ebook. Rico Slade isn't really a bodybuilder, an actor, or a governor. Rico Slade is an motion hero. 

Rico Slade does not care concerning the political weather. Rico Slade has a sophisticated measure in badassery. Rico Slade's favourite nutrients is the honey-roasted peanut. Rico Slade can rip out a throat together with his naked hands. 
But Rico Slade has an issue. His arch-nemesis, Baron Mayhem, is threatening to drop a bomb on this planet that would kill each man or woman other than himself whereas leaving the world's forex intact. to save lots of the planet, Rico Slade needs to trip throughout Hollywood to discover Baron Mayhem. regrettably, Rico Slade's crime combating kind contains ripping out the throat of an individual who will get in his method, together with grandmothers and Midwestern travelers.
As Rico Slade leaves Hollywood in ruins, the single one that can cease him from destroying the town is his Jewish psychologist, Harold Schwartzman. until eventually he does, Rico Slade will kill as many of us because it takes to thwart Baron Mayhem's evil scheme. Rico Slade will fucking kill everyone.
RICO SLADE WILL FUCKING KILL YOU.

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Schwartzman. Yours is the hour that's up. ” And he twists his psychologist’s nipple, twists it till Harold collapses from the discomfort. Then, utilizing the energy of Rico Slade, Chip ends the laser mild exhibit by means of bringing the projector crashing down on his psychologist’s fucking face. Chip Johnson and George Proctor locate real Happiness Chip and George hug and kiss and rub their loins jointly. Ignoring the discomfort surging via his physique, Chip says, “It’s all concerning the love, baby,” and appears his ex-lover up and down, taking in his scrumptious physique. Feels an overpowering urge to fix their dating to allow them to spend the remainder of their days in bliss. Excited to start their new lives jointly, Chip takes George through the hand and leads him throughout the planetarium’s doorways. Paparazzi and males in giraffe mask wait on the street. Tabloid reporter Wendell Grimes says, “Excuse me, are you Chip Johnson, big name of the Rico Slade sequence? ” Chip says, “Guilty as charged. ” Wendell snaps a photograph together with his Polaroid digicam and shoves an old microphone into Chip’s face. “Care to make a touch upon today’s occasions? ” “Yes, I do,” he says, conserving George heavily to him. “Hello, international. i want to introduce you to the true Chip Johnson. i'm balding, put on frumpy outfits, and revel in having intercourse with males. I’m not anything like my fictional counterpart. Don’t even just like the man. and also you understand what? It feels stable to be myself. It feels damned solid. And—” The officials of the Hollywood Police division eliminate their giraffe mask and open hearth. The bullets penetrate Chip’s physique. The officials shoot their weapons for an incredibly very long time, as though they've got a grudge opposed to Chip for a few cause. because the actor is going into convulsions, he stares lovingly into George’s eyes. The officials cease firing and Chip falls onto the sidewalk. George kneels and clutches him tenderly. Chip says, “These are my well-known final words,” and dies. concerning the writer Bradley Sands lives in Boulder, CO, the place he edits Bust Down the Door and devour all of the Chickens. he's the writer of Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy (Lazy Fascist Press), My center acknowledged No, however the digital camera group acknowledged sure! (Raw puppy Screaming Press), It got here From under the Belt (Afterbirth Books), and Please don't Shoot Me within the Face (forthcoming). stopover at him on-line at www. bradleysands. com, and Bust Down the Door and devour all of the Chickens at www. absurdistjournal. web.

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